Lookie here, an update by yours truly.

I'm really disliking life right now.

Why?

I'm doing fuck all with it. I need to get a fucking job, and do something with my life.

I've been telling myself this shit for the past, what now?, year. I've only half-tried a few times. One time I actually got an interview. Didn't even get the job. Hopefully this "economic crisis" disappears so that people can find jobs faster. Maybe then I'd jump on the bandwagon and get one.

But really, thats totally not the reason I haven't gotten one. For one I'm lazy. Two, I really don't want one. Three, well, there is no three. Really the only reason why I would get one is to do something other than sit around all day doing nothing but being on the computer or playing video games.

And on top of this I'm not really living at "home". Well technically I haven't been for the past, what now, 5-6 months. Really, I'm not even sure where "home" is anymore. I'm living with a friend and my mother. My other mother told me about 3 weeks ago (maybe more now) to get my stuff out of her house. So fucking great. I've been procrastinating lately to do it, because, well, firstly I don't really have any way of moving my shit to this; secondly, there's really no place to put my stuff here. Lately I've been missing my own bed. It's getting annoying to sleep on the couch, especially waking up and hearing the damn dog licking his chops, or whimpering because he wants out. I don't even have my own place in the house that's mine, where I can just mellow out by myself.

Anyway. I've also been realizing stuff about myself, that I half noticed before. Especially when it comes to "love" I guess. I don't think I can really be a one woman man for my whole life. Marriage is now something I don't see myself doing. I actually don't think I even believe in the whole term "love". I can't even say the phrase "I love you" and actually mean it (I have a feeling I'm going to make some people sad with that remark, for reasons I'm not even going to explain).

And I'm also questioning my sexuality. This may surprise some people (actually it will probably surprise most people who know me). If you really wish to know, I'm thinking I'm bi, not straight. I think I've just labeled myself as straight to seem "normal", and I'm just saying screw normal.

I need to get out more and socialize. I'm realizing also that I miss it. After recently hanging out with a old friend, I really enjoyed it. Thing is I don't want to hang out with some of my "friends that I currently have. Not that I don't think they're good people, it's just I don't consider them friends anymore, but acquaintances. I remember times where I've wanted to hang out, do something, and them being "too busy" and then when they hang out with their friends, at a party or the bar, never asked to join them. I always heard about it after the fact. I wonder why I never have anything to talk about that's not video games or stuff on the internet? Oh that's because I don't hang out with anyone.

I feel like a sob story now. Woe is me.

No need to say "I'm so sorry, I hope everything works out", because I don't want to fucking hear it. Not like many people will read this.

Toodle-loo.